Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
