hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
