3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
