I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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