a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
