Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
