I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
