Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
