the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
