420 ftw
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
