around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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