im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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