how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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