Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
