it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
