put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
