Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
