I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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