In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
