I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
