i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's never too late to be topless.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
