I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
