the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
