Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
