No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Randomize
