Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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