Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
