i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
