There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
