weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
