weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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