So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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