Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
