My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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