Heybabeimwearingurpanties
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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