there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
