this boner is exhausting
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
