WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
