my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
