I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
love makes seman taste better
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
