period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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