I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
