do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
