my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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