Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
