"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
