Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
