Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
