Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
