Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
