sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
