Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
