this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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