watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
