I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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